Foster Relationships When "Re-Onboarding"
If there's one emotional intelligence skill that separates innovative teams from risk-averse teams, it's Interpersonal Skills. Teams with strong social relationships engage in the kind of meaningful give and take that sparks curiosity, creativity, and healthy debate. Positive daily interactions are the building blocks to the efficient, effective sharing of ideas.
In her timely article, It's Time to Re-Onboard Everyone, Liz Fosslien spotlights an issue I've been encountering lately. As an emotional intelligence coach, I hear from both new and tenured leaders struggling with the same issues: obtaining and sharing knowledge as they maneuver questionable, hybrid work relationships. The pandemic has constricted everyone's work environment. Leaders hired at the start of the pandemic have never met face-to-face with their teams. Tenured leaders are feeling disconnected and wondering if their efforts matter. With the Delta variant on the rise, Liz Fosslien notes, "I’ve seen two forces that are destabilizing employees: unprecedented turnover and uncertainty. The number of people switching jobs has skyrocketed to historical highs in what experts are calling “The Great Resignation.” Fosslien goes on to offer several terrific ideas leaders can use to encourage team cohesion by "re-onboarding" everyone, not just new hires.
As I read her article, it struck me that each suggestion is designed to eliminate relationship stress and uncertainty, while improving communication and shared understanding.
Why Relationships Matter
Strong social relationships foster happiness, well-being, and a sense of purpose at work (Lyubomirsky, 2007). In turn, happiness, well-being, and purpose enhance motivation, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. When employees feel confident, they engage in more helpful, giving behaviors. This is why "re-onboarding" is so important! The psychological benefits of "doing well by doing good" are even more pronounced for the giver than the receiver (Piliavin, 2003). When relationships are weak, attention narrows to independent, individual objectives. To quote Elie Wisel, "The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference."
Leadership plays a significant role in shaping the work identity and priorities of individuals on their team. Don't wait for relationships to break down and then try to fix them. As a leader, your consistent action can reinforce the value of relationships and shared goals.
Relationships and The Brain
Studies conducted by happiness researcher Robert Biswas-Diener have shown the powerful benefits of social ties. Positive relationships provide shared meaning, feelings of safety and reduce stress. Google's Aristotle Project found the same thing. What was the main performance driver of team success? Psychological safety. Why? Evolution. As Google put it, "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
Although we may have little in common with our ancient ancestors, our brain functions as if we still dwell in caves, fighting off saber tooth tigers. It pushes us to form close bonds (to keep us safe), practice empathy (to keep social bonds strong and not get kicked out of the cave), and obtain new skills, learn and grow (so we can adapt to the changing environment and thrive in an uncertain world).
One of the best ways to learn and grow is to form close relationships. When we practice interpersonal skills, we mutually acquire knowledge, remain open to new ideas, extend and receive respect and expand our views. Positive relationships can calm our reactive, stressed-out emotional brain and tap into the higher learning center of our brain where insight and innovation originate. The need to survive and thrive through relationships seems hard-wired into our brains.
Researchers have discovered that specific brain regions are activated when we think about ourselves vs. thinking about others. However...when we think about people who are close to us...the same brain region linked to self is activated! This didn't happen when people heard the name of someone they weren’t close to. When we form meaningful relationships, share interests and values; our sense of self expands to include other people in our identity. When we form close bonds, the relationship imprints on our brain. Our brain gets rewired, adding new neural connections to include the people most important to us (Kashdan, 2009). This is not to say you have to be best friends with everyone at work. It does mean, that the greater number of positive social interactions you can experience, the more open and innovative you'll be while improving your health and happiness at work.
Positive Energy Sparks Positive Relationships
So where do you begin? Start by reading Liz Fosslien's article. I'll add a few ideas of my own, here:
Be curious. Researchers have discovered curiosity fosters mutually beneficial relationships. People who exercise their curiosity delve into exploration, ask a lot of questions and show interest. This level of attention makes the other person feel closer and more connected to the person asking questions. The curious person benefits too: they express their ideas well, are engaged, and stay open to whatever arises. Levels of oxytocin and dopamine rise, stimulating energy and motivation.
Be aware of your body language, including virtual meetings. Studies have found that when people try to communicate a message, only 7% is conveyed in words. The rest is body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. Not sure if you're connecting with someone? Don't just listen, observe. Don't expect people, especially subordinates, to verbally express difficult or negative thoughts and emotions. Pay attention to all the ways they are communicating with you.
Be Open. Expect there to be some team disharmony and divergent opinions. Re-frame these differences as opportunities instead of roadblocks. Use empathy and open-ended questions to stay in curiosity and show respect. Empathy doesn't mean you have to agree, but it does mean you understand and can articulate the other person's view, even if it differs from your own.
Listen to Connect, Not to Problem Solve. To quote Todd Kashdan (Curious? 2009), "Focus on the interaction, not the ending." Conversations are two-way. Innovation will be road-blocked if you try to force an answer or direction. The goal is to understand the person first before you attempt to solve the problem.
I coach executives, leaders, and teams to understand their habitual emotional reactions and improve their emotional awareness and flexibility. If you'd like more information on how to manage your emotions instead of your emotions managing you, please visit me at wwwtheicoach.com
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